Monday, June 30, 2008

open letter to everyone at swimming lessons

Dear other parents, grandparents, and teachers,

Yes, I know I shouldn't have had this many kids if I couldn't handle them. Of course, it's hard to know exactly what you can and can't handle until you're in the situation, don't you think? Anyway, I didn't realize it would be like this.

Yes, I know they are clearly not ready for swimming lessons. Got that message loud and clear. Thanks.

Yes, I know I should enjoy every minute with them because they grow up too fast. Unfortunately, I have an anxiety disorder that causes me to feel your eyes on me like two cinder blocks strapped to my back. The more eyes, the more cinder blocks. And my children draw attention, especially when they are screaming and flailing on the ground. All your eyes are so heavy and they are scraping me and digging into my flesh and I can't stand up; I can barely breathe.

Yes, I know I should just leave, since they aren't going to swim. I would like to, very much. But they won't come with me. They insist they do not want to leave... they just want me to come into the pool with them. Es ist verboten.

Yes, I know I can't let a couple of three-year-olds control me. But that is where I am lost. I cannot carry two limp, fighting-me, 35 lb. boys, plus all the weight of your many cinder block eyes, and push the stroller with the baby in it. I am here until my boys agree to leave. I am at their mercy, but I can't let them know that. So, I'm sorry, but we will all just have to endure this noise and display until my boys decide it is time for us to leave.

I am so sorry -- more than you can fathom -- but please, please look anywhere but over at me.
Posted by Jen at 11:46 AM
Labels: , ,

6 comments:

  1. Amen sistah! Boy do I know this one. I try to think of all those eyes this way "They aren't tsk tsking me...they are merely watching, glad it isn't them and wondering how others fair in a situation where they themselves have been during one time or another."

    Yay - I never really convince myself either but it's worth a shot. :)
    ReplyDelete
  2. Maeve's momJun 30, 2008 10:35 AM
    Fern,

    I'm delurking to tell you I know exactly how you feel (well, except I only have 2 lovely children). The more people stare the more I feel sweaty, nervous, and ready to cry. I also hate when I use my "stern voice" (not yelling, but almost) and get dirty looks. Those people don't know that I've said "please put your shoes on" nicely a dozen times. Hang in there, they will get older, and better behaved (or heavier and harder to carry). :)
    ReplyDelete
  3. Fern, Man you just put those feelings to words sooo very well. I think people use their eyes as guns sometimes. I'm still getting over a tantrum that my boy had once at the library. I had to carry him out, 8 months pregnant and sweating while the entire library patron population decided to watch us instead of a reality show. There were plenty of books around. Why didn't they just put their noses in one? I'm sooo sorry you have to go through this. It would through me into a full-fledged panic attack. Those people are the ones being inappropriate. Grown-ups are supposed to know it's rude to stare.
    ReplyDelete
  4. They were all probably thinking you're Super Mom! You are! And funny too!
    ReplyDelete
  5. "I have an anxiety disorder that causes me to feel your eyes on me like two cinderblocks strapped to my back. The more eyes, the more cinderblocks."

    It's not funny that you have an anxiety disorder. But I love the way you described it. I have felt the same way for a very long time. I only have three kids, but they're all girls and I get similar stares.

    And I'm *over* it. Yes, they're all girls. Isn't that something. Carry on!
    ReplyDelete

Please validate my existence with a comment.

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
THE DAYS ARE LONG, BUT THE YEARS ARE SHORT.