...The Girlfriends Guide stresses the need for girdles. She also uses that sweet euphemism, shape wear. I thought it was amusing after baby 2 but I find it much less so after baby 3. Since I need shape wear every thing has become less amusing.Yes, shapewear saps the fun from every situation, I've discovered in the last two days.
XXOO Sarah
In a fit of pique after reflecting on my 6-months-pregnant belly the other day, I raced to Kmart to purchase shapewear. I find it offensive that the women modeling the shapewear on the garments' packaging, clearly have no need for shapewear. I want to punch them in their toned abs.
Yesterday I wore some Maidenform Inspiration thing, that was advertised to offer "firm" control. "Firm" being the firmest option on a scale of 6, which seems to be some industry standard measuring tool. I can see this being developed at the International Conference on Women's Underthings, and legislation being passed that allowed manufacturers up to 6 months to comply with standardized packaging including the new firmness Scale of Six. I can imagine a press release with a quote from the President of the ICWU, stating,
"As the standard-bearer for the undergarments industry, the ICWU is proud to introduce the new firmness Scale of Six, which will leverage synergies between spandex and lycra to maximize consumer confidence."Anyway, the Maidenform thing was definitely firm -- so firm that it crushed my padded bra a bit -- but it molded my stomach into a nice smooth lump centered around my belly button. Normally it looks like your two year old's ice cream cone, about to slide off the edge of my pants and splat into a sticky mess on the floor.
My complaint with the Maidenform number is that the printed label inside says, "CONTROL IT!" in all caps, which is just unnecessary. I'm trying, Maidenform. Lay off me.
Today I tried a Hanes Body Creations Shapers thingie, advertising 360-degree shaping at Level 4 firmness. It has some decorative pattern that is supposed to look like corset lacing. It's nice. Unfortunately, it tends to abruptly roll up my abdomen like an old window shade. I also took offense to the tag reading, "Control Trust System," which I read as "Control Truss System," and felt Hanes needn't use structural engineering terminology when describing my supportive undergarments.
I am starting to think surgery would be easier than wearing shapewear on a daily basis. Maybe it's like a bra or contact lenses, though, and I'll eventually grow accustomed to the discomfort.
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Once I wore shapewear too soon after pregnancy, and my shape rolled out of the wear.
ReplyDeleteI swear by Spanx - a much more expensive option, but it will truly last forever (if you buy the right kind). I could never wear them everyday though.
ReplyDeletethere is so much comedic fodder on the spanx site, fern. I urge you to continue the search, if only by clicking on and laughing at items such as the body suit with thong back- bc my ass isnt flabby at all- its just the rest of my entire torso!
ReplyDeleteI really do have to purchase one of these suckers bc my nephew's baptism is coming up and I got a cute dress for it. unfortunately my belly also has the icecream cone thang happening. Ive been hoping it would actually topple off but thus far no such luck.
XXOO Sarah
I'm trying, Maidenform. Lay off me.
ReplyDeleteLove it.
My mother wears shapewear everyday. It's like a giant panty thing that goes over her panties and all the way up to her bra. I've worn them occassionally for special occassions and I've been miserable the entire time. I think I'd rather just have a flabby tummy!
ReplyDeleteTarget has its own cheaper version of Spanx and they're ok. Spanx really are my best friend, unless I want to look perpetually 6 mo pregnant (and even with them, still do, just a more streamlines 6 mo pregnant)
ReplyDelete