get thee behind me, fun mom!

This is me and Haney from Miss A's birthday.

*Halo sold separately.

Our monkeys in their enclosure.

*******

Yesterday, we put training wheels on two of our hand-me-down bikes, bought the boys and Haney helmets, and this afternoon we took a good old-fashioned family bike ride.

Blogworld, I cannot even tell you what a disaster it was. I mapped out a route that would work well for my boys, who only remember how to stop 82% of the time. My first sign that this was a bad idea should have been when the kickstand on my bike nearly flew off. I sort of need it, to aid in steadying the bike when I load and unload Haney from the back. But no, I was certain I could improvise around it, so off we went.

Significant problems cropped up at intersections, where it became clear my children do not trust me and feel certain I am trying to kill them. I had hoped this could be avoided until their teen years. I would check for cars, tell them to go, they'd refuse and argue with me about the car way off in the distance, separated from us by a four-way stop sign. In the meantime the car would get too close, and we'd have to start all over again. Sigh.

Then, in a panic to get out of the intersection and away from a patiently waiting car, the boys' bikes tangled and collapsed. One of P's training wheels flipped upside-down; one of G's training wheels fell off. I awkwardly kicked their bikes to the side of the road while balancing my top-heavy bike, and then Hanes ran up and down the sidewalk in her helmet while I tried to fix the boys' bikes.

After [I kid you not] the second time of this, I proclaimed the bike ride a failure and insisted we head for home.

G and I were separated from the other kids after he refused to cross the street for me, and his training wheels disintegrated for a third time once I finally coaxed him across. It was hot. I was sweaty and my crotch hurt. My legs were all hacked up from multiple collisions with bike pedals. My neighbor came out and helped me drag G's sad bike pieces home.

And that is when I decided we ought to spend the rest of this beautiful day inside, watching tv and playing video games.