Last Tuesday I had my four kids here, plus two neighborhood boys who are almost 8 and almost 9. Miss A will be 8 in June.
Initially there was drama and shenanigans: warring factions chasing each other through the house with pretend guns and swords, and real feelings getting hurt. But I separated my boys and the almost-8 boy from Miss A and the almost-9 boy, and the household settled into a state of bliss.
Full disclosure: I don't know what Helena was doing during this time, or where she was. But she wasn't crying and no one else was crying about her.
Miss A and Almost-9 sat on the rug playing a game of "Battleship." Almost-9 had never played before, and Miss A was explaining it to him. Patiently. But not patronizingly! And he was accepting her help. If you knew both these children you would be blown-away by this. Both of these behaviors were unheard of just months ago.
And upstairs, Almost-8 was settling disputes that arose between the boy group. And at some point his big brother, Age 9, came to collect him and initiated polite conversation with me about the Olympics!! And offered to help Almost-8 carry his book bag home, assisted Almost-8 into his coat, etc.
I am seeing massive potential here.
So far, based on the very limited scope of my parenting journey, I would say that the most physically agonizing portion of parenting comes within the first year. The most challenging period -- combining both physical and mental duress -- is probably the all-legs-no-brains period (many thanks to my friend Mary for putting words to my pain) around 18-24 months. A parent can expect his or her mental anguish to peak around age 4, when your child appears to become demon possessed and expresses his or her hatred for you. I'm assuming this is foreshadowing of the teen years, except your kid looks cute but also regularly urinates or defecates on you. If you're me.
After age 4, you are so glad to be alive and not near-suicidal, that ages 5-7, while challenging, feel like sweet relief. Then your kid hits age 8 and you're like, "OH MY GOSH! My kid can read, wipe himself, AND control his sociopathic tendencies!" And then you throw a lot of parties and start to make friends again because you don't have to worry about all your friends asking you, "Is she always like this?" Especially the ones who are special education teachers. Not that this has been a trend in my life.
Granted, this is all speculation based on one afternoon of relative harmony among a group of carefully segregated 7 and 8 year olds. But because I am staring Age 4 right in its horizontally pupilled eyes, I'm holding tight to this theory.
AGE 3: awwwwww...
AGE 4: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
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It's like you wrote this post just for me!
ReplyDeleteI'm deep in the middle of the bloody awful fours and have in just the last month developed a nervous twitch of my right eye, googled the words "childhood psychosis" and "sociopathic tendencies in children", downed a very stiff drink on a weekday night, checked out way to many "Your Strong Willed child" type books and seriously considered going back to work full time even though after child care and increased taxes, the financial benefit would be a net loss.
It's good to know it may be age related drama and not indicative of my failures as a parent. And can I just add that for those considering having kids two years apart, ages four and two are really an ugly combination, especially if you get twins.
As we sit at the precipice of 5 (for S) and 3 (for the twins) I can only take a deep breath and hope that 5-7 is better than the past 2 years have been. Your words of hope have once again given me validation and support and I just want to thank you, once again.
ReplyDeleteStill waiting to crawl out from under our 4 year old's proto-teen-ness.
ReplyDeleteI love this entry, despite the fact that it sort of terrifies this mum of 6 month old twins.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap! You're funny. I thank your friend, too, for the 'all legs no brains' description. I'll be laughing to myself all day about how aptly you just described it all. Thanks!
ReplyDeletei can't even hear the blaghblah of what eight year olds might be like. I am going to make a poster of the devilgoat and hang it on my kids forehead so I can better remember who I am dealing with...
ReplyDeleteI think I need some kind of warning on any posts describing 4 year olds as devils. My boys are 3.75 and so perilously close to being sold on the black market due to their devilish behavior that if 4 is worse, I'm running away and joining the circus.
ReplyDeleteStrike that, those animals are killing their trainers. I'm becoming a gypsy.
First time I perused this post, I laughed out loud, for a really long time. I think the pictures did it for me. Genius.
ReplyDeleteBut I didn't have time to comment.
So now, I am back, I have re-read this, like 5 times, and it gets better every time. You are my writing hero.
B is almost 4...but she's been a hellion for about 6 months now, so maybe she's advanced for her age and it'll get better in a few months?!?!?! I know, I'm lying to myself, but I like to hold onto hope...
ReplyDeleteI'd like to thank all my mom friends who are now just letting me know that it just gets worse instead of better at 4. Everyone talks about the terrible twos, then when you have a 3 year old they let you know that the twos have nothing on the 3's. NOW, you're telling me that 4 is even worse? Is it possible. THANKS A LOT!
ReplyDeleteOk, this was hysterical but you aren't making me feel better...Little Dude is almost 4 and his 3's have been a NIGHTMARE. 4 HAS to be better. It HAS to! The twins were really difficult at 3 and got better at 4 so there is hope, right? Ugh! I really like 6 though. I'll hang on to 6 for another 11 months or so! =)
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it. I have two four year olds and I've calculated that they cry, on average four hours a week each. That's when they aren't screaming LIAR to one another or smashing each other on the face with whatever is closest. One of my four year olds LIES down in the street or parkinglot when I won't carry him. It's all I can do to not shout: get up you little prick!!! My 8 year old is easier but there's a lot of backtalk. But no sobbing or punching.
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