But I can't go into it right now because I am seeing glimmers of age 4 in Haney's behavior, and I'll tell you all right now, age 4 is the worst possible age between newborn and 7.5. Age 4 is godawful. And I'll grab you some links to posts about my other run-ins with age 4.
- Miss A at age 4
- The twins at age 4 (which is pretty raw and still makes me cry)
- More twins at age almost-4 (it was a very rough summer)
So, Hanes is a little hard to read because she is incredibly small (we are back off the growth charts and into failure to thrive range) and has less to say than her older siblings did at this age. But she is making up for it by shrieking like a friggin banshee if anyone looks at her wrong.
Last night I put her to bed, she got up again, I put her back to bed, then around 11:30 Miss A came down saying Hanes woke her up by crying in the closet. I went to investigate and sure enough, Haney was holed up in her Rose Petal Cottage in the girls' closet, sobbing. We tried to lay down with the girls to help them go back to sleep, but Haney couldn't stop crying. We took her downstairs with us, assuming she'd had a bad dream.
Around midnight we went to bed and took Hanes with us, as she was still whimpering. It quickly became clear she couldn't settle down. You know how when you have babies, you can just sort of feel what they need? I tried to use my Matt Parkman "Heroes" powers on her. I cocked my head to the side and squinted my eyes at her and moved my eyebrows up and down, and it worked! Because of my mind powers , she began crying and bleated, "My tummy hurts!" and I took her downstairs and set us up on the pull-out bed with a barf bowl.
But from there her crying intensified, and continued to intensify until I thought I might lose my mind. At 3 a.m. I was taking her temperature (normal, although she was shivering) and my eyeballs were involuntarily shaking from side to side. It was like my brain was trying to put me in REM sleep even though I was awake. It was awesome. And I'm not kidding when I say she screamed that entire time and only spoke 2-3 times. And what she screamed was, "MORE DORA!" and "MORE MEDICINE!" (Tums for kids) and "NOOOOOOO!" The rest of that time she just screamed sounds, at the top of her lungs. For three solid hours. She never puked. Since I've always had a feeling of impending doom about her, I felt certain (in my sleep deprived depression) that *this was it* and I was about to find out whatever horrible thing is wrong with her.
Then this morning she was fine. She told me last night she was crying because I didn't read her a story. I think that's a load of crap intended to intimidate me into reading stories on demand from now on, lest she keep me awake until 3:30 screaming, then wake up at 7 a.m. ready to face the day. Classic 4-year-old manipulative BS.
***
Why I haven't been smoking pot: Once upon a time, in 1999, which regular readers know was a time of disaster and upheaval in my life, I started smoking pot. I was 25 years old, which I am pretty sure moves it from "experimenting" to "loser." Smoking pot was awesome and hilarious and wonderful. Until this one time when something must have been mixed with the weed, and I lost the capacity for speech and was unable to understand where I was or when I was, and thought I had been sitting in this place for hundreds and thousands of years, and that the people no longer spoke a language I understood, and I felt so lonely, like I worried God feels. I felt so distant and disconnected and like I would never be connected or understood again. I felt very separate and apart. And I am pretty sure that was a little glimpse of hell. It was terrifying and still scares me now. Of course, that wasn't the last time I smoked.
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I agree - 4 is unbearable. Give me any other age. Please.
ReplyDeleteI forgot - this is yet another example of how crazy 4 is.
ReplyDeleteCondolences. Hey come visit. I'm having a giveaway!!!
ReplyDeleteThe comment you left on my blog made me bust out laughing! And then I come to your blog and realize that you're just a really hilarious person! :o) I'll have to stop by more often!
ReplyDeleteAge 9 is better! :) My 9 year old is the coolest kid ever, and my 12 year old [boy] hadn't started PMSing yet, at 9. 9 is a very good year. That was to give you something to look forward to, and it does happen to be true.
ReplyDeleteThose posts all remind me of the reason I fell in love with your blog. They speak to me, to my mental state, and oh my goodness...do I ever identify. I know that I will never (ever, ever, ever) know what it is like to have twins...but my two youngest girls give me a small sampling of the scary possibilities there. There is the sweet, like finding them holding hands in their sleep through the crib bars...and then there is the horrible, like the tantrums that are unending because they feed each other. AND THEN...there is the three year old who is kicking my ass. *sigh* Around 3:00 I'll be reminded of my even having older children because they'll come home hungry. When I look at the big kids, my thoughts are of two minds, one is the living proof that I've lived through these young ages once, the second is along the lines of, "What you didn't think it was hard enough the first time???!!!"
Yes. I would agree. Four sucks ass.
ReplyDeleteSalvia. I bet it was mixed with Salvia. That sh*t makes you feel like the pages of a burning book.
ReplyDeleteI can't comment on the rest of this post. Gotta go back. This time, I just skipped down to the part about the reefer.
Thank you for this post. I was starting to think my four year old was either bipolar, brain damaged or at a minimum possessed by some dark, looming force. I think it's natures way of getting you both ready for kindergarden and it also helps to discourage overly ambitious Moms like me about the prospects of homeschooling.
ReplyDeleteAs for pot smoking my sister in law is part of the legal marijuana industry in Northern CA and usually sends a little my way for the holidays. It always comes with instructions to "Open this gift when alone" and "use to calm nerves".
B is almost 4...I have had a few days recently that I questioned why I had children and if it would be worth it to sell her to the circus...I get it...
ReplyDeleteWith 6 weeks to go until Little Dude turns four, you are NOT helping. Really? Harder than 3? he's been a freakin' hellion so far. My twins were easier at age 4 than 3...if Little Dude gets worse, I'm sending him up I71 to you. I really can't take a year worse than this one where he is concerned. On a brighter note, age 6 has been lovely so far.
ReplyDelete