Because I got the white kitten from a lady on Craigslist instead of from a shelter (curses!!!) I have had her to the vet twice, to get her shots. Shelter kittens come with their shots. Did you know that? Sigh.
Anyway, all her paperwork lists her as "Daisy Urine," the cat of "Jen Urine." She has our last name. There's always a wtf factor when I see my pets with a first and last name. I feel like they ought to be wearing pants or something. I also feel it is presumptuous for the vet to assume the pet has taken my last name, because of Mr. Nick, and what he has taught me about the Companion Animal Liberation Movement (CALM).
Mr. Nick did not take my last name when he came to me, because a conversation with a pregnant coworker called my attention to how hilarious "Nick Knapp" sounded. So Nick's last name is, in fact, Knapp. No vet has ever asked me his last name -- they simply assume he shares mine. This is deeply offensive to Mr. Nick.
In addition, Daisy is now known exclusively as "Jingles," due to her jingly collar and uncertain gender during her first week with us. Miss Jingle Balls shares my belief that one's gender need not be disclosed or defined, and that there is no equality until a gender-neutral pronoun for living creatures is widely adopted in English-speaking countries. Our hamster, Ice Cream, is also campaigning on this platform.
Cats Rex Luthor and Isabelle The-Litterbox-Is-Right-Freaking-There (she's European) are less involved, but offer their full, meaningless support to the other pets where CALM is concerned.
Mommy Break
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When it comes to children and pets, I can be extremely patient, and I
confess to being rather proud of this trait. A lot of people tire of my
daughter M’s ...
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As a Spanish Speaker (or more aptly, someone who used to speak Spanish when she had a brain that wasn't mush) I do think English lacks a gender nuetral pronoun. That has always bothered me. Sadly, the number of English speakers in our country who even KNOW what a pronoun is demonstrates that we will never have sufficient numbers to make our case.
ReplyDeleteseriously, do you laugh at yourself too? you're cracking me up. she's european.... aghahahah.
ReplyDeleteLOL!!! I loved that part too.. About being European.
ReplyDeleteIt's still strange to me, too - seeing a last name on a pet. I have two dogs that 'have' our last name - but it's completely different from what their registered names are. It's just not fair to those poor beasts. lol..
I needed this on my Friday morning.. =) Thank you.
My first cats were Annabelle Leah, Harley Davidson, and Deuce Proud. By the time Deuce came along, I knew it was inevitable that the cats would have my last name. Foxy is actually The Silver Fox Proud and Toby is Tobias Funke Proud.
ReplyDeleteThe dog has my last name but I figure that's only fair since my daughter has my husband's!
ReplyDeleteYou are the funniest person I know in the entire universe.
ReplyDeleteWell, I can't talk...my cat is Meryl Streep. The vet loves saying, "Meryl Streep" is coming in today and watch all of the people in the waiting room whisper.
ReplyDeleteI want a new kitten. I think we should wait, but I want one. I worry Meryl will wonder WTF? She's already a bit irritated with Zoë--but she's coming around.
We're coming out near you on the 20th...will you be around?
Maybe the rule isn't that your pets have a last name, but that they have two names. Since no one asks Mr. Nick's last name maybe its because the Mister fills in the first set of blanks on their pet registration card? Mister Nick. Maybe the cats could be Lords and Ladies. Lady Isabella then wouldn't have to spell out her hyphenated last name for us slow Americans.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that. My cats each have a different last name. We also battle gender stereo types and traditional gender rolls in my house. And boy am I in trouble if my wife's team loses the super bowl this sunday :(
ReplyDeleteWhat I would like to know is, how did Ice Cream officially become yours? Because that post your wrote eons ago, about how you plucked him from A's classroom, still goes down as one of my all-time faves.
ReplyDeleteWe could also use a gender neutral pronoun, as we have a garden toad named Frizzle, and I have no freaking idea how to tell what gender he/she is. Honestly, even if there was a way, I wouldn't do it. I don't touch that thing. But I am probably offensive to him/her on a regular basis as I guess "it's" proper anatomical make-up. For-shizzle.