If you've never moved cheap "engineered wood" furniture multiple times in a decade, I'll spell it out for you: I think my paradigm is about to fall over.
Suburban Correspondent, I think manipulation is the best tool I have available as a parent. But I guess I am too selfish to sacrifice in order to teach my kids a lesson. Would I keep them home from church because of poor behavior the previous week? Oh yes I would. And I have. I don't like church, is why, so I'm not going to put forth effort to do something that's a pain in my ass, AND suffer through their sleep-deprived insanity the next day because church keeps them out until 9.
But them liking to do things I've paid money for is a real novelty to me. G's tee ball experience last summer was the first thing one of them has done and not hated. They both did tee ball this year and enjoyed it. Football was another thing I forced them into, but they quickly fell in love with it. So I've paid my kajillion dollars for this and invested a significant amount of emotional energy in getting them to like it. Now is the easy part, where I can coast and just enjoy socializing during practices and games. I cannot afford to lose momentum in the boys-liking-things department.
Also I see every missed practice or game as money out of my pocket. And I'm cheap. How do you overcome these feelings? And don't you feel bad about absences that affect other members of a team?
In this specific situation, with their post-practice shenanigans, I'll probably go with a stern pep-talk in the car on the way to practice next week. They usually do well if I remember to give them a pep talk outlining my expectations very specifically. Unfortunately, sometimes it's hard to anticipate what all of my expectations will be. (Tricycle jousting is a good example.) Then if my pep talk fails to motivate them I'll be forced to sacrifice my own happiness and withhold football from them.
Mommy Break
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When it comes to children and pets, I can be extremely patient, and I
confess to being rather proud of this trait. A lot of people tire of my
daughter M’s ...
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Naturally, if you like taking them to football (despite the difficulty you have getting them home), then you wouldn't sacrifice it. Just plan some other retribution that won't bother you but will bother them. You know best what that would be. Early bedtime? No TV that evening? Whatever! They just have to understand that if they make you miserable, you can do the same right back.
ReplyDeleteEarly bed time is a winner! It works amazingly to curb negative behavior.
ReplyDeleteFor my 4 year olds, I say, "You know what guys, Nana told me that when I was little and I was not a good listener, it meant that I was tired and I needed to go to bed early. So for the next 6 days, you are going to go to bed early and if I see that you are getting more rest and you are better listeners, we can try letting you stay up later."
Freakishly, it works. John Rosemond (who I mentioned in a comment on another posts) recommends using "The Doctor" as the authority. Kids think of "the Doctor" as the ultimate authority and if the doctor says that they are too tired and need to go to bed early, they will actually believe it. That doesn't mean they won't put up a fight, but it usually does the trick. The Doctor can be pulled out for a variety of things as the ultimate authority.
P.S. I never use our actual doctor's name. I only use "the Doctor said that we have to wear our seat belts to be safe in the car."
Gracie & Luke's Mom - that is interesting. I actually saw a Super Nanny episode, however, where the parents were using fake policemen as a tactic to get the kids to behave and Jo told them it wasn't a good idea because it ends up subverting your parenting authority. I do like the bedtime/not listening punishment though. My LO is a bit too young at 2.5 but I will keep it in my back pocket.
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