when it's really *not* okay

Our meeting went well. I prayed about it a lot last night and this morning, because I didn't want to make things worse or aggrieve this woman who just lost her father, but I also didn't want hear myself saying, "Oh, that's okay."

I had this epiphany last night that I've been saying "that's okay" a lot since the boys became involved in the school system here.

When I applied for speech assessment for my sons, you misfiled their paperwork as though we'd declined services? Oh, that's okay.

Their teacher confused their assessments and put them in the wrong reading groups for 4 months? Oh, that's okay.

You somehow misfiled my sons' speech paperwork again, so they weren't picked up for services until I asked about it? Oh, that's okay.

And then there's all the more "normal" stuff, like them getting picked on or getting hurt on the playground or having teachers who think it's hilarious that they can't tell them apart. And not getting to meet the kids' teachers until the 2nd week of school. And no one ever noticing when they pee their pants, when it's 10 degrees outside. Oh. That's okay.

But it's not.

Their speech is improving but where would we be now if they'd received services for that extra year before kindergarten?

G thinks he's stupid. He didn't think that before kindergarten or even the first month or so. But after four months in a reading group way over his head he decided he was stupid, and almost a year later he still thinks so.

When I tell these people it's okay, I'm trying to be reasonable and acknowledge that they are just people. They're going to mess up. Mistakes happen.

But I realized last night I need to stop saying that, because it isn't my place to brush it off as no big deal. I'm not speaking for me in these cases. I'm speaking for my kids, and for all I know it is not okay.

I knew what I needed to say about the book, but as I thought about what I wanted to say about how the librarian spoke to me on Wednesday, I felt like I ought to tell her that I'm just trying to do my job just like she's trying to do hers. It is my job to call the librarian if I feel the material my child is reading could harm her. And it is her job to receive that information, consider it, and act on it. There isn't any room for either of us to get nasty with each other, if we're to have a working relationship.

But in the end I didn't mention that. I don't know why. Maybe God answered my prayers by shutting me up! The librarian seemed to think we wanted her to search the library for all offensive material... then she thought we wanted her to control what our kids check out... Then she thought we thought she should have known that material was in the book... (which she inherited from another building when we consolidated schools this fall.) Once she understood that all we wanted was for this particular book to be removed, she relaxed. I'd sent over scans of the pages I linked in yesterday's post, and she and the principal seemed to have already agreed that the book should be passed up to the 5th-8th grade building. (Sorry, parents of 5th-8th graders!)

I appreciate all of your encouragement. I'm glad we ended on a positive note. But I'm going to be working on stopping myself from telling people that it's okay when they mess up things to do with my kids, because it is a big deal. And maybe once they realize I'm that mom who always makes a big deal out of everything, they'll take more care to avoid situations where they'll have to deal with me. Being nice and being a "team player" isn't working, maybe because I'm trying to play on the administration's team, and that's not the same team my kids are on.