As established, neither parenting nor pet ownership seem to be my "thing." I am pretty sure my thing is watching "Hoarders," awash in relief over how I still compare favorably to the show's subjects in some (but not all) areas. But I seem to be locked into parenting. And I have managed to have my one cat for more than 13 years and he is still alive, so I'm realizing larger pets aren't as easy to kill through benign neglect. [Aside: My kids and cats cry for food every morning. The hamsters and fish did not. You do the math.]
Because, obviously, I strive for excellence in all that I undertake, I want to hone my caregiving skills. As I frantically scoured the Android market for parenting tools while the kids watched Nickelodeon and ate Cheetos, I stumbled upon Bug Village.
You guys, I can nurture the hell out of these ants and bees. I am attentive to their every need. So far I have only starved them once, but just enough that they quit working. I didn't kill them. That's basically just a crash diet before swimsuit season -- no biggie.
I am devoted to making this Bug Village thrive, for the sake of my parenting skills. As I tell the kids when I shoo them away, it takes a lot of sacrifice for Mommy to practice her parenting on these bugs, but practice makes perfect. And I am doing it all for them.
My extensive research into Bug Village has taught me that my bugs can make the most acorns by completing many short tasks, rather than fewer lengthy tasks. Therefore, I model good stewardship and the value of hard work for the children by setting my ants to complete tasks on a one minute cycle. This takes a lot of dedication from me, because by the time I am finished assigning a task to the last ant, the first ant has finished his job again and it's time for the harvest. It gets exhausting, but as I remind the kids, a little hard work never hurt anyone.
"Get off your butts and clean up this dump!" I gently admonish them. "You think I'm going to work my fingers to the bone for acorns so these ants can eat, while you sit here watching iCarly? I don't think so!"
And they're all, "Mommy, when can we have lunch?" and I'm like, "Lunch? Ha! It's 5:30! That's not lunchtime! You kids need to learn to tell time! Sheesh."
They have no appreciation for the sacrifices I'm making, for the betterment of my parenting.
Spring Consignment and Yard Sales–Tips and Tricks for Getting the Best Deals
-
Spring is around the corner and this is the most exciting time of the year
for my frugal family–consignment sale and yard sale season! I have been
faithful...
Posts
I appreciate that you have managed to keep you cool. I would have lost my a long time ago. parenting skills.
ReplyDeleteDave, I truly appreciate your comment. It does my heart good to read comments from readers who are deeply touched by my posts, and have clearly read them thoroughly, and are here for fellowship rather than for spamming. -- Jen
ReplyDeleteJudging by his grammer I'm thinking Dave is also a seven year old boy.
ReplyDeleteOh and speaking of Hoarders the episode that premiered Sunday was THE WORST, MOST DISGUSTING reality show thingy I've ever seen. (Disclaimer: I've never watched Jersey Shore.)
OMG..hoarders encouraged me and the girls to pull out the couches and clean under and behind them. My parenting method is: Sixteen and Pregnant for birth control, Teen Mom to teach the kids that teen relationships are a hot mess, Intervention as my Just Say No campaign and Hoarders as my "this is why you need to clean your room" back up!
ReplyDeleteTribe Mama - That is wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI watch horders for pretty much the same reason and to make myself feel better about my cleaning skills.