Comments on Minivan MacGyver: won't you take me to / crazytown?

I think I felt/acted like Miss A when I had long, ...

2011-12-24T03:30:28.316-05:00

I think I felt/acted like Miss A when I had long, extended periods of post-partum depression after each of my pregnancies. I didn't act like that when I was her age (I was actually quite normal and eager to please), but I think that I was like Miss A during my PPD time. My thoughts and urges were extremely negative and very easy to trigger during my depression.

I didn't even know I had PPD until later, after my first pg and before my second, after I got normal again and could look back at that extremely sh%**y phase of my life. I felt bad about it, how sad it had been. The second time it happened, I knew something was wrong and I was very different, almost existing in an alternate universe, but I didn't know what to do to make it better, so I just survived until things magically improved on their own (and I quit breastfeeding, that helped a lot).

I do attribute my depression in large part to a complex/subtle (?) chemical imbalance in my body; I have major hormone problems and maybe autoimmune issues, the first signs (dandruff, I kid you not) started when I was about 7 or so. I think after each of my pregnancies, my body chemicals just went on the scariest roller coaster ride imaginable. Don't expect doctors to know that much about hormones and chemicals and such, but maybe the little bit they know can help with Miss A if you want to explore that.

I feel for you; you're surviving and doing a great job. Keep doing what you can. Good luck!

Hi, Jen, thank you for your blog, which I have rea...

2011-12-23T00:22:42.572-05:00

Hi, Jen, thank you for your blog, which I have read with keen interest for a while now after coming across hdydi. I think you're a strong and funny writer and if you ever--and I hope you do--write a book, I will BUY IT NEW. Take care.

Feeling you so much on this and I still have no id...

2011-12-22T14:00:58.439-05:00

Feeling you so much on this and I still have no idea how to handle my oldest and she is nearing 12! I am dreading her going off one of her meds for epilepsy since it is a mood stabilizer...I can only imagine how bad it will be when she is not "stabilized!"

Wish I could help or offer guidance, but I spend 90% of my time dealing with her, talking to her, punishing her and consoling her when she finally gets how terrible she has been to everyone else, and the other four kids totally pay the price. It is hard and sad :(

I have several explosive children on my caseload a...

2011-12-22T13:31:43.156-05:00

I have several explosive children on my caseload and they have ALL been struggling the last week and a half. I guess it's the upcoming holiday? Hope things calm down soon.

Firstly, I would like the crazyblog link when it h...

2011-12-22T11:58:28.102-05:00

Firstly, I would like the crazyblog link when it happens because (a) I don't know you in real life, and (b) Miss A sounds like a combination of my two oldest kids (which means neither of mine are as serious (yet) as what it sounds like with Miss A, so I'm not saying, "OH I KNOW").

Bipolar, depression, and generalized anxiety run in my family (and me), so I'm pretty much guaranteed to have some percentage of my four children with one or more of these things. Good times.

With my daughter (7), school always used to look at us like we were crazy when we talked about her explosive melting fits. And then she got the teachers she has now. Boy howdy. Nobody is laughing now. (And it's not TERRIBLE, but she IS showing some of this at school now, and no one thinks we're insane talking about our sweet, quiet child like we do.)

My oldest son (10) doesn't talk about how the world would be better without him anymore, so we're on an upswing there!

Oh Jen, I'm so sorry this is happening for you...

2011-12-22T11:36:53.513-05:00

Oh Jen, I'm so sorry this is happening for you all. You have very good people giving great advice here though! I have to say that I identify with all of Miss A's behaviors from my own childhood. As an adult looking back I really wish my parents had gotten me professional help when I was young instead of me trying to figure out my mental illness in my thirties. The thing that is dangerous about not treating the problem when she's young is that the extra defense mechanisms she will develop to deal with everything will become an even bigger problem and it takes a long time of healing to figure out what is the seed of the anxiety/depression/anger. She needs lots and lots of pencils to break. Love you, Candi

Two major things.. This IS a real problem and it I...

2011-12-22T11:10:54.905-05:00

Two major things.. This IS a real problem and it IS a real disability. Don't cheat yourself and your daughter by making this seem like less of an issue. As a mother of three special Needs kids, I know. You deserve that validation and frustration. She is going to be OK and so are you. Email me if you ever want to talk Jen. **HUGS**

No answers, just hugs. If I had a dollar for ever...

2011-12-22T00:28:31.912-05:00

No answers, just hugs. If I had a dollar for every time someone said/implied that I was overreacting to normal teen behavior, I'd be able to afford my "normal" teen's therapist. I keep having to explain that I know teens, dozens of them including 2 more of my own, and this behavior is off the charts. Not normal. Not healthy. I'm still guessing some variant of borderline personality disorder is what you are dealing with. Although, who knows? Have you researched PANDAS? Lyme Disease (psychiatric effects of)? Food poisoning (same)? I'm thinking a hundred years from now, science will know what causes this behavior, just like we understand now that epilepsy is not demonic possession.

Just be confident in your own knowledge of your daughter. You know that there is no way to predict what sets her off and that it varies. You know that, while sometimes she exhibits a stunning lack of self-control, other times she seems perfectly able to behave normally (even in stressful situations). And you know that most of these books simply prescribe a variant of "walking on eggshells" in order to deal with her behavior.

Oh, sometimes support groups help, sometimes not. I swear, much as I have had every ounce of judgmentalism knocked out of me in the past 2 years, I've still wanted to grab other parents of similar teens by the neck and shake them. Really? You think that letting your messed-up, out-of-control teen drink in your house because at least then she isn't as unhappy is a good idea? Really? And you wonder why your husband has left you? Or, you think it's okay that your daughter is screaming at you, because she's expressing her feelings?

Oh, I could go on and on. Trust your common sense, find a therapist that knows better than to blame the parents, make sure to make friends with other people who have 4 or more kids so you have a good picture of what normal is for a large family (it increases your confidence level when you deal with therapists), and teach your other kids that your eldest is unhappy and that it has nothing to do with them. Or you. Or anyone. And do her the favor of having normal expectations for her. My favorite therapist (there are a few good ones) explained it this way: "When you have a child like this, it's like having a tilted picture on the wall and everyone ends up tilting their heads to make the picture look right. Family therapy is to help you stop tilting your heads."

I hate when people say "I understand" be...

2011-12-21T23:36:25.595-05:00

I hate when people say "I understand" because each situation is different but I feel like I can relate. Our oldest is also very explosive and even though things have calmed down substantially since she started all day kinder the potential for it happening is always there. My maternal and paternal grandmothers both have a history of bipolar disorder and I am constantly haunted by the fear that it will pass on to her or one of my other kids. She has so many good days that I can usually push it out of my mind but then an off the charts meltdown will happen and the fear comes back. I hope you and Miss A get answers soon. Hang in there.

I'm sorry. You seem to be going through such a...

2011-12-21T22:39:01.284-05:00

I'm sorry. You seem to be going through such a rough time in your life. The great thing about getting a diagnosis is that there will be other parents going through the same things. Hopefully you will be able to find a community of people who understand what is happening in your family and can help you when needed.

I don't have any answers but if you find some ...

2011-12-21T22:30:36.933-05:00

I don't have any answers but if you find some please let me know because I think I have whatever Miss A has and it sucks. Being a certified (not technically) grownup I have managed so far to avoid flat out screaming fits and confine my extreme disquiet to: hiding in the bedroom crying, snapping at the kids, being horrible bitchy to their father, and just flat out leaving the house so I don't kill someone; but I really don't know how long I can hold out before I start throwing myself on the floor and breaking pencils.

I think it might have something to do with an untreated anxiety disorder combined with fiance's horrible ex-wife dragging us through court for months because she's incapable of putting anyone (including the kids) before herself. I'm pretty sure Miss A is not dealing with the latter problem but maybe the former is an issue? My anxiety- when it's not manifesting through, y'know- anxiety- seems to overflow into anger and depression. LIke I said, no answers here, but I'm thinking of you all and praying you get some answers and some peace before long.